Thursday, February 4th, 2010
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8:13 am - i wonder what my life would be if i stayed
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What if I dont leave and re enroll in a community college? Santa Fay maybe and just go through the steps of my degree.
It just seems easier than what I think I might want to do but then I'll just fall back into the same lifestyle that caused me so much anxeity. Most of it comes to down to the people I want to be with and the people I dont want to be with.
Everyone who is still complaining about the same things I kind of pissed with. I just thought with my absence people would be motivated to surprise me with a change. I was just kind of bothered by how much everything is the same. Atleast my parents are getting divorced. That's different.
It makes me loved them more knowing that they are working through their problems rather than yelling at each other and then pretending like everyting is ok. I just worry about the dogs. Whether or not they can understand what is going on.
I want to take Bruiser to Israel. The land of no leash laws. He would be the only dog there who doesn't have testicles. Which I wish he still has because he would be a cool dog to breed. He breaks out of the back yard walks around the block and then breaks back in. It is the cutest thing to watch.
Today I took him to the lake and he started to bark at the statue of the geese. The one that invites the other geese to hang out. It didn't move so he tapped it with his paw and got scared. He is like a puppy sherlock holmes. Always investigating the unknown.
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Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010
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9:06 am - obama
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I would vote for him again just to watch him give speeches.
It will be very difficult to move on to any other kind of representation having experienced him for this long. Obama has never said anything that I can't agree with. Hearing him is the most comforting thing I have ever felt to the point of tears from the hope I feel knowing he is president.
After putting some thought into the rediculouslous level of our government from the the two adminstration I have experienced I have reached certain conclusions.
Since Double Ya failed to actually gain a majority of the vote our society was an aparthied during his adminstration.
A government should not deal with things that aren't actually involving public safety, the economy, or foreign affairs, like blow jobs.
Fighting more than one war at a time is a death sentence for a country. Something I thought we learned after the fall of Rome.
The war of drugs, terrorism, and communism aren't actually wars. A good government can only declare war on an actual government.
The U.S. seems to be threatened by any country that might surpass it finicially. Like the greatest accomplishment is industry. Not jazz or the spread of democracy to Germany and Japan.
The army is too undermanned to create reasons why a healthy person can not serve like perferring the company of the same sex.
Spending money to protect citizens against foreighn threats seems wasted if citizens aren't protected from cancer or heart desease. I am talking about the affordablility of healthcare.
This concludes why I love Obama. Him saying he wants to fix the system, even if he never accomplishes it, is something none of the other presidents I have lived through have done. A broken system needs to be fixxed and it will take more than a term to correct and it can only be corrected if addressed.
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5 people think 0j0 your thought
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Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010
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9:22 am - what i learned in gainsville
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There are more couches there than I can ever possibly sleep on.
They should really call it nerdsville.
I only really miss the tiny white women and kev.
I am not suitable for world domination.
The importance of nature.
We live in an age of instant communication. My cell phone died so I had no idea how to make plans with a person or think far enough into the future where I can say I can be somewhere at a certain time. I ended up just kind of wandering around in the dark ness hoping people were where I thought they would be. In Florida only the homeless walk during the day and drunks at night. People were probably wondering what I was doing in my sweater vest.
Maybe I was selling drugs.
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Thursday, January 28th, 2010
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8:38 pm - what i learned in new york
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I am happiest when it is cold and rainy.
There are people who have a picture of me in my golden underwear for their personal collection whom I have never met.
I will lie horribly if Mary is ever right about how I feel.
I'm infatuated with Dani for probably the most unhealthy reasons.
When you plan to avoid people they die and make you visit their graves.
Two fifty for a one way ticket on a subway is an out rages price.
The homeless make me laugh especially in their most homelessness.
I haven't lived in Jersey for ten years but it feels more like home.
The hostels in the city are easily snuck into and out of.
The cold will make you ache like the dickens.
If socialized medicine came to the city we will see a lot of homeless people with braces.
The cities of the United States are probably the most unsafe cities to Terrorists compared to other devolved nations.
Deep down I look froward to an earthquake hitting Manhattan so that the city could be rebuilt all shinny.
I have decided I want to die in the city. My move to Israel wont be permanent. If I happen to kids and a wife I will leave them for New York assuming they didn't want to come with me. The crowdedness of the city and the disgusting bathrooms reminds of Israel. Sometimes being reminded of something you love is enough to not actually want the real thing.
Bye the way more Jews live in New York City than Jerusalem and Tel Aviv combined. It has my vote for holiest city cause the number of Jews in an area makes things holy. They did a special on National Geographic about it.
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3 people think 0j0 your thought
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Tuesday, January 19th, 2010
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8:12 pm - from the no pants ride
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I will be haunted by two things over heard in the subway.
Some guy yelled , "only in new york."
I've been wearing that underwear around the world.
A child asked her mother,"what is going on?"
How do you tell a child to wear pants every morning after whitnessing something like that?
And that concludes what haunts me.
So my grandma died and I gave a speech and it went something like this:
My grandma always talked about speaking spanish but never actually spoke spanish.
Then I was inturepted and never actaully got to finsih it. I wanted to mention being inspired to take spanish classes or something. This is by far the happiest funeral I have ever been to. I think my grandma was dead to my family a long time ago. But on the brighter side I got to meet cousins I never met. We will always have this happy memory of our first meeting.
I basically I spent my time here riding the subways around new york. One night I was with Sarah , Rachel, Josh, and Sarah's friend and we saw the Upright Citizen Birgade. I didn't realize the busses accross the bridge stopped so I ended . I tried to walk the bridge but they gates were locked. A taxi accross the bridge would have been twenty dollars. I found myself a coffee shop to read for a about four hours until it would start again around six.
What happened was I fell asleep. For the record the coffee shops around the bus terminal are nothing like Starbucks. I was so tired I was illiterate. Sometimes I wonder how I wasn't eatten alive by the drug dealers.
Some guy kept asking me if I was straight as I was aimlessly wondering looking for a passage accross the bridge. How does a person asnwer a question like that? Was he talking about sex or drugs or both? If he was talking about both I really missed on a good deal. I hate missing good deals.
I totally bought a trench coat for seven bucks. Now that was a good deal.
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Monday, January 11th, 2010
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11:16 am - food to me
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Is like food to a Camper in a Concentration camp.
It happens so rarely that I don't care whether or not that it is Kosher.
I always say I wouldn't do a lot of things until I am in a dark room with a naked girl. So my new rule is to avoid dark with naked girls. At least until I get a promise to get out of the way. The consequences proved to great for me to handle.
About the Subway. It a was public art thing where thousands of pantless people road the subway. It is done all over the world in various cities. Maybe we should do it Haifa or we can wait till they finish the train in Jerusalem and then we can make the penguins cry.
The trick was to invent to a character who doesn't know what is going on. Which isn't really a character for me so I created a character who couldn't keep character which turned out to be the greatest character of all the characters.
At some I stood up on a trash can looking for Mary and then people started to record me because the gold really catches the eye. Hopefully it shows up on the internet soon and then I can link it to facebook but for now you have to take my word that this stuff happened.
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Thursday, January 7th, 2010
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1:51 pm - what i learned
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I learned that girls will date people they dont like to justify getting drunk and hooking up with them.
I learned that American accent is a very attractive accent.
I learned that my priestly work can be done in a hand shake.
I learned that dogs have balls that go back and forth rather than side to side.
I learned that every person on the planet knows English through American rock.
I learned Palestine isn't actually a country but a randomly assortment of different Arab nations.
I learned the importance of malls.
I learned that I probably shouldn't be teaching.
I learned that America has cheapest things that I want but expensive things that I need.
I learned the value of money is not its weight against gold but the amount of things I can buy with it.
There is probably other things I learned but my memory is pretty fuzzy. Chances are very high I didn't learn them at all but made them up. I've been in the area for about two days and I have seen several people and watched hulu. I have been eating a lot of pork and shrimp. Trying to store it in my gall bladder for my return trip. Which seems to be in purgatory because everyone in the aliyah office is being particularly lazy. I really expected to be in New york by now for pants less subways.
Cause I love subs and hate pants.
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Monday, December 28th, 2009
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6:29 am - house vs house
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Maybe what I miss the most is the fear of getting caught naked. Maybe that was what made getting naked fun. Or maybe I just miss spooning with Tomer.
Maybe I am having more fun being naked in this new house or maybe I am just eating a lot more and that makes me happeir.
I miss having a working light and a bathroom not covered in hair. Maybe I am missing girls walking around in towels having to turn on the hot water. But it is nice to know that living here I discovered I am not broken.
Which was definitly a concern.
What is the bigger concern? The water shortage or the increasing tension because they should be but for some reason they are not. I think I have my priorities mixxed but whose gonna stop me.
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Wednesday, December 16th, 2009
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3:29 pm - it started in the carmel
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Which sounds a lot like caramel which I referred to it as the Caramel Mountain.
Since we were an hour bus ride from Tsaft Mel and Danny decided to plan a trip for the weekend which included a night in Haifi. Two cities which I have yet to visit so I wanted to tag along. Basically I was just costing by on the natural direction Mel and Danny. The best part about traveling with them is that they understand my predisposition to save as much money as I can but still try and experience life to it's fullest.
Haifi is this green city in the mountains very lit up by the Christmas because of all the Arab Christians that live there. We were hungry but we didn't want to spend twenty dollars on dinner so we found a wedding party to crash. All through the translating skills of Danny we bought chicken sharama baquets at the bar for twenty sheckles which is like five bucks. Danny saved us fifteen dollars.
We then just walked around the city looking at the garden and riding the public transportation. Guessing at what the signs in Hebrew meant in English.
After the night at the cleanest hostel I have been in we bought ten sheckles falafel. The is the greatest thing I found all weekend. The owner was an Arab Christian so imagine the complete the opposite of what you would expect from an Israeli when you spend ten sheckles. That was how amazing that falafel was.
The bus ride to Tsfat Mel had a list hotels and hostels for us to stay that we were calling for vacancy. the hotel we called quoted a price to us as 300. We thought being in Israel that they were referring to their currency but they were actually referring to the dollar which would make things more than four times what we thought.
We left and found a sweet old lady who has this extra apartment filled with beds. For two hundred sheckles we had an apartment too our selves.
Tsfat is probably the least wheel chair accessible city I have ever been in. This broad is running a business with walker. Walking up and down the mountains. In a lot of ways it was very sexy but she in every way it was impressive.
After saving a considerable amount of money we found the Chabad and got invited for dinner. This was my time to shine. As we all know I am a high priest amongst my people so I gave out blessings to those that asked. I shared my incite over shots of vodka about various topics that I hold near and dear.
Can any one think of a better career choice for me than high priest? I walk around to various dinners and tell people that I bless them all while I'm thinking about porn. Because for the three hours that I was praying at the Chabad I was considering very heavily the different types of porn I like to watch and categorizing them in my mind. It was a good a time for me. Probably the best I have ever been and I have been feeling pretty good.
On Friday Danny and i were separated from Mel for dinner and we couldn't use our cell phones because of the Sabbath. Danny got worried for Mel's safety but I was really too concerned. Mel can read a map and knows which way is north. The only person you really have to worry about being lost is me. I can barely find my way out of the house. More or less find the apartment we were staying at.
I like this trip best because I traveled with people who understand the importance of not getting ripped off.
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Sunday, November 22nd, 2009
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7:30 am - the next girl
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Who kisses me, grabs my dick, and then tells me that we can't have sex I am punching in the face. It is just getting too confusing for me to keep up with.
I understand boundaries and getting to know someone slowly but then dont touch me. If your hand is my dick I am not listening to anything you are saying anyways so it is completely counter productive. It just creates angry frustration that just kind of builds with mixtures of unnecessary levels of testosterone.
Last I asked her to be my girl friend so we can be officially dating. I thought it couldn't her my chances for sex because I thought since she keeps rubbing my balls that she liked me. Then she tells me that she has a hard time trusting me because of the one guy I hooked up with. She knew that about me since day one. That would be a reason not to even go out on the first date.
There really shouldn't be any confusion about weather or not I like her. She has seen my erections. And I can cheat on her with a girl as easily as any guy. Ok, maybe not as easily but you guys understand cheating is cheating regardless of who it is.
Does anyone think I could be a successful cheater? Am I not completely honest about all the things i have done and want to do? Do I ever come off as a person who hides there feelings well or even remotely keeps a secret well?
Is there a sign on my back that says "indecisive girls only".
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Wednesday, November 18th, 2009
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5:08 pm - at some point
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I was angry at every one on this trip. But it wasn't anyone on the trip. It was me. I never felt that I could fit in so I didn't even try to. There was an assumption that was me prejudging everyone. Now that I just feel the complete opposite.
There are people who I like more than others but everyone here I enjoy. This feeling is a much better feeling by far and I am going to try work towards this. I think it is those golden panties of mine that brought me out of my shell. There is really no reason to ever wear anything else.
The most confidence I ever have is when I am naked. Seriously, it is a very magical things when my balls hit the air. What more can i possibly say to make things more awkward than that. There is a freedom I have when people don't actually listen to what I am saying. And really who can possibly listen when gold is being flapped around.
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1 people think 0j0 your thought
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Monday, November 9th, 2009
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5:00 pm - halloween
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I want some piercings and a tattoo. I think its word that I can eat pork and commit sodomy my whole life but it's the piercings and tattoos that keep me from being buried with my people.
My left eye brow and re pierce two piercings in my left ear. And I think on my hip right at my pants line I want to tattoo. Of what I am not sure. I want to avoid something cliche but I was thinking of something tribal. Something of the Cohen tribe.
If you ever want to see hear something funny. Listen to me date in Hebrew. Often I am not even saying words just making sounds that I thought were words.
Also, if you wondering how I met this girl. Think golden under wear. It is a wonder why I wear anything else. Those underwear break the language barrier. Lets just hope I dont talk myself out of this one. The positive side is she speaks a little more English than I speak Hebrew so we spend a lot of time not understanding each other. I think it is best if I am not understood.
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1 people think 0j0 your thought
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Monday, November 2nd, 2009
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4:54 pm - filling with a jealous rage
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So there I am at a party with no pants and all the girls I kind of knew were getting drunk and hooking up with the Isreali males there. That is when I start to fill with a jealous rage. No story that is told me should start with "I just made out with the cutest boy ever". That is a lie because then you would be making out with me and then you wouldn't even have to say it because I would know already.
It has been pretty cold lately, cloudy and rainy. This is probably the happiest I have ever been since I got here. For some reason I hate the sun shine and just want to wear jackets every day. When this is over I will go to the mountains in the north and be a LumberJew. Where I will protect the people from bears and sharks.
I have been teaching a lot lately. Today I think I hit a breaking point and the teachers were very understanding. School should be an option. Those that want to learn will go and learn and the rest should join the work force. Its a good balance and would ease up the school system.
There aren't really any stories for me to tell and I am not sure why. Maybe I'll do something exciting later.
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Wednesday, October 28th, 2009
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8:28 am - mudhoney
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This was my first grundge show.
I found myself crowd surfing and it was the longest I have ever been in the air with out a plane. Through no choice of mine I was headed toward the stage. There was a panic because I thought I was gonna crash into the band. They did not look like they were about to stop playing to let me land on stage. When it all looked too grim a roady pushed me back into the crowd.
That is when I found myself falling head first into the mosh pitt. Somebody caught me at the knees where I lost all the change in my pocket and then pulled me back into the crowd surf. These Israelis really know the meaning of forced volunteering.
I remember in the mosh pitt somebody through a child into me. What if that had killed me? Do you think it would help the pro lifers or the pro choicers?
Well you see doctor clearly this boy's life could have been saved if this child was properly removed from his chest cavity.
or
Well you see priest it is better they both died as to prevent this was everyone goes to heaven.
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Saturday, October 24th, 2009
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3:48 pm - new rules
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Massages are a gift. Complaining about not getting them only makes me not wanna give them.
When making fun of people, only make fun of the qualities a person can control like grammar. Making fun of someones height is wrong and makes me feel dirty.
I never do anything drunk that I didn't want to do sober. I just do it with the skills of a drunk man. When drinking I only ever just become drunk. All question answered and things said I would say sober I would just say them quieter.
Telling me not to do something only makes me want to do it more.
Stop asking if I'm having sex. When It happens I'm pretty sure I will tell everyone.
On why I'm not having sex. I think it is pretty obvious. I lack most of the social graces people use to convince someone to get naked for them.
More empathy is needed for someone who acts differently. When you have friends time can move like nothing else but when you are alone time travels like it isn't moving at all. Sometimes we are most alone when we are around people we cant be honest with.
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Sunday, October 18th, 2009
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5:40 pm - super international jazz festival
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The only reason other countries even talk to each is because of the effect the US had on the world. If US wasn't awesome then no foreign body would even consider the other ones existence. We would have just sit back and watch German and England exploit the world economically and slowly turn the planet into either a Deuste mandate or British mandate. With tons a genocide in the process.
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Wednesday, October 14th, 2009
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5:06 pm - why i like oral sex
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Because I enjoy eating and I enjoy sex.
Combining the two not only saves me time but saves the environment hard to dispose of babies who only further the destruction of the rain forest. So deep down inside I am an environmentalist.
Today I met some Germans. They are a quiet reserved people who constantly remind me how they are not Nazis and that they dont support genocide. The more they deny it the more I think they are regressing. It's like saying you are not gay especially when no one is asking.
They are a very quiet and reserved people who don't understand sarcasm. The polar opposite of Israelis. The reaction the Germans had to Israelis was very comical to watch especially since I think it only made the Germans hate Israel. Something I think they were trying their hardest to avoid.
It is always funny to see the world use English as the common language. No Israeli bothered to learn German and no German bothered to learn Hebrew. They both just learned English. The world has conveniently made itself accessible to America. It makes me very proud of my country when I am part of something like this.
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Monday, October 12th, 2009
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6:09 pm - plans
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Plan A includes a pengiun, a kosher ham, and four pairs of socks.
Plan B includes a guitar, an amp, and a stadium filled with angry Palestinians.
Plan C includes a two girls, one French and one Dutch, who can tie cherry stems into knots with their tongues. Preferably through team work.
Once my scholar ship is up my options come down to a few things. I can quickly do my army time, which would be only six months for me, and then go to school next fall, which would be free. I would study education of some sort. This teaching thing is groove tastic. This one might require me to return home for a month and stock up on calories.
I can go to the north in the mountains where it snows in the winter and join a kibbutz. Maybe falling in love with the life style and making a permanent change. Maybe being the resident musician. Every farm needs a player to keep the rats from over running the food stocks.
There is this option of staying in this city and teach music privately. Apparently there aren't any music teachers around. The volunteer places I think want me to spend more time with them but I am not sure.
The problem with plan A is the army life. I dont think I am a soldier but it is only six months.
The problem with plan B is money. Food and housing are great but eventually I think I might want to buy a few a things like a car or a computer. I feel even if it isnt permanent I should do it for a little while. Especially in the winter while it snows.
The problem with plan C is the uncertainty. If they want me to stay they should pay me to stay in order so I can live and not be homeless and teaching music privately is so unreliable. Less reliable than lets say being a real estate. At least in real estate you can still live in a worthless home.
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Wednesday, October 7th, 2009
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5:14 pm - tel aviv
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I met a sax player at Lawrence and he recommended a bar in Tel Aviv called Shablul. It was one of those tradition jazz places with an open jam on Monday. The only comparison I have for it is Churchills and the musicians were less talented. It looked like highschool kids were playing when at Churchills it was College kids but was it was nice. It was very yofi.
When I got there I hoofed it to Joshes where a beer and shot of vodka later we headed towards port, where the bars are. Josh was more interested in these two girls that walked in to Shablul than the actual music so he sat down to start talking to them. I kind of wanted to appreciate the music but I can never really pass up a chance to meet a girl so I sat down and started talking too.
After little while of boring conversations about all the stuff I dont care about I mention I've been wanting to go to a gay bar and find a boy friend to buy me things. She then asks me if I have a problem with lesbians. I do have a problem with lesbians but for very complicated reasons but I didn't say that. I said the complete opposite which was that lesbians are great for very simple reasons. She told me to come with her to a lesbian bar this Friday and then gives me her number.
The first number I girl I meet in Israel and shes a Lesbian. I think lord wants me to join the priest hood. Then I spent the rest of the night awkwardly wondering through the city by myself.
My next night in Tel Aviv was more tragic then anything.
I dont think anyone is getting it. I have been on my best behavior. If Mary can quote the normal irrationally angry person I am. My behavior so far has been the behavior I generally reserve for when I'm dating someone. Usually when dating someone it either ends or goes somewhere so eventually I can take off the filter. Here it is like this five month 24 hour first date. It is a lot of pressure to keep up a relationship with this many people. Especially when a lot of these girls could care less about my feelings.
I was pretty much pushed last night in Tel Aviv. My reaction I think was very appropriate but I did find my self wandering the city alone. It led to a relatively interesting mediation of the city streets.
I am completely blown away by the amount of crack heads I run into at night. There was a guy dressed like a traditional orthodox who I thought would be safe for me to talk. That was pretty deceiving. Also, my new favorite hobby is to talk broken Hebrew with drunks walking out the clubs. Drunks talk so simply. They are the best people to practice with especially because since they are so engaging.
I love the dirty cities. Especially when they are crowded and packed full of homeless falling asleep on the streets. If I have kids that is where I would raise them. A place where there is risk of them making a wrong decisions.
The nights are getting cooler. From now on I am going to wear my jackets out.
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Friday, October 2nd, 2009
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7:50 am - events of the world
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There is this troubled youth place that I volunteer at. They know I'm a musicians and I offered my skills to teach basic music theory. They want to try and use music to govern the morals. They want me to give a speech about how it is important to avoid drug abuse. I dont think I morally sit there and tell kids to avoid pot. Dont smoke pot or elses you might end up like Obama and Phelps.
I started to give speeches in the high school about life in America. A lot of them are under the impression that America is financially better for people. Private health care and private transportation is very expensive and despite the higher incomes those aspects are bankrupting the nation. That is the point I try to get across but I really do enjoy America and love the country. I love our cheap calories. America has the cheapest calories in the world. I would come home right now just to eat a house made of bacon.
I feel like I'm always being watched in this house. Everything I do is being judged and critiqued. It is like living in a house filled with Tinas. Up till now I have been trying to get along and I'm giving up on that. I have the made the friends that I enjoy to be with and the getting along with anyone else has lost its charm. If only there was one Amanda in the house.
Tomer wanted me to write about him. At first I didn't like him until he got drunk and went skinny dipping and I was thinking maybe this guy isn't so bad. It is funny how seeing someone naked changes my opinions of them.
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